New Year

This is typically a time that people make "resolutions". Usually it is whatever obsession they tell themselves every day that they "should" be doing. There is no secret power that comes on Jan 1st to help you make "this time" any different. Everyone knows what they "should" be doing or "not doing" to be healthy, more positive and productive people. The challenge seems to be the action needed to turn our "hopes" for our lives into our actual "lives".

Human brains seem to operate and run in deeply etched grooves. These grooves are formed from years of repetitive behavior. Sometimes the first "scratch" of a deeply formed groove can come from a childhood experience or just from some self formed belief. These grooves are so deeply formed that they become WHO we are if we do not take care and pay attention to them.

There are "addictions" of all kinds. Two nights ago there was a program on about two women struggling with strange addictions. One was addicted to eating toilet paper and the other to sleeping with her blow dryer on. It is hard not to laugh at such strange addictions. The reality is that anyone not struggling with a specific addictive behavior cannot understand "what the big deal is". Perhaps that is the secret behind it all. The build up and focus on "not doing" something places that thought foremost in our lives. If I say "don't think about a pink elephant", you do.

I would like everyone to turn the usual "resolutions" over and laugh them off. Begin just not giving the power to your own struggles. Let it be easy. Let go of the obsessive worry and energy you give your own angst.

This year, find your joy. Let your life be easy. Think about all the things you want to do, eat, say, learn and experience. Practice the art of imagination, hope and belief. It won't happen in a day but it will happen if you commit to making this change. If your current way is "not working for you", take a good look at those grooves you are etching deeper and deeper and do the work to change them.

We do not get to choose our genetics or our families. We don't get to choose our childhoods or what we look like. We do get to choose who we are and who we will become. We get to choose how we let experiences and challenges change us. Terrible circumstances can make truly amazing human beings. They can also create horrible ones.

Most people work pretty hard at "looking good", having a clean house, a nice car or a successful career. How many people work as hard at being the best person they can be? Can you just imagine how much joy there would be in this world (or in our own lives) if we all began to do just that?

I have asked a very special life coach to guest blog here and she (Erika) will be giving some very good advice about how to begin taking the first steps on that road:

Big thanks to Story for this opportunity to spend time with you! She and I always have meaningful, deep-minded chats when we’re together, so I’m thrilled to share some time with you here as well.

Here’s my first suggestion to you for 2011: Table your sweeping plans for change. Just drop them for a while. Don’t worry; you’ll be able to pick them up after considering a few points.

Step 1-Ask yourself why you’re planning the changes you’ve highlighted for the coming year. If your plan is to lose 15 pounds by June, stop for a moment and consider the source of your motivation. Is it something you think you “should” do? Any desire hinged upon words like “should,” “need to,” or “have to,” is not a sign of internal desire; it’s a sign of obligation to some norm outside of you. If your goal is weight loss, give it a positive spin in your inner and outer monologue. In other words, instead of saying “I should lose 15 pounds,” say “I want to lose 15 pounds.” The earlier version sounds a bit victim-like, doesn’t it? Sort of weighty (no pun intended) in its tone, isn’t it? Yeah, I’m not feeling it either.

However, in saying “I want to lose 15 pounds,” you’ve carefully chosen words that by their very nature feel more energized and motivating. And energized and motivated are indeed two real feelings that can certainly help you in nearly every facet of your life.

Step 2-Become a scientist in your own life. By stepping away from judging yourself, and instead simply sliding into the role of observer—a lab-coated witness to everything you say, what you think and how you act at different times—with absolutely no judgment whatsoever—can be a very revealing exercise. If, for example, I’m the type of person that sets huge goals repeatedly only to rapidly fall back into old patterns, I might ask myself why? What’s my payoff in continuing to overeat? What am I telling myself about this tendency? Which leads me to the next step.

Step 3-Gently and regularly remind yourself that your thoughts are not who you are. They are simply what they appear to be—thoughts. Start looking at where your thoughts about yourself are unkind, lacking compassion and wounding. Remember, thoughts and facts are two different things. Facts are verifiable; thoughts are beliefs built on a lifetime of repeatedly thinking them. For real clarity, start noticing and then questioning your thoughts.

So if we go to the goal of losing 15 pounds, where in your internal dialogue are you already giving up with condemnations like, “Yeah, I tried this last year. I couldn’t do it. I’m a failure and I lack discipline.” Where are the facts in that thought? More importantly, where are the beliefs?

Our source for deep, lasting improvement is inside, not outside. Our mission is to get clear on what we desire and why. If the motivation is a thinly shrouded effort to please anyone but us, success will be elusive.

Now, get your resolution list back out and spend a little time writing about your “whys.” The items on the list that are true to your essential self will feel more like a pull than a push. The plans that you feel pulled by are authentically you. Stick with those and you’ll chart a whole new kind of success.

Wishing you authentic success for the coming year!

Erika Isler is a Martha Beck-trained life coach who works with smart, motivated people ready to reconnect to what they really want. For more information on her and her work, visitwww.erikaisler.com or email her at erikaisler@gmail.com.

Happy New Year !!!

Story von Holzhausen