Life and happiness

I tried to cut and paste a great article by Erika Isler (my cousin by marriage, a very cool lady and a life coach) but it is not formatted in a way that will allow me to do it.

She talked about setting goals that were not "punishing" but that make us happy. I vote yes. One of the beautiful things that come with getting older is that very simple things make me happy. For Christmas this year, one of my best friends (Susan) , Kurt and I made and ate an amazing gourmet dinner. Well, truth me told, I assisted and Susan (who is an amazing cook) made a wonderful dinner. We get the twins tonight and will have our "Christmas" tomorrow morning. In my younger years, the fact that I was not with my kids ON the 25th would have ruined the holiday. I would have missed the simple joy of wonderful food and company because the day wasn't the stereotypical Christmas I have always known. There is such a beauty to traditions and doing things the same as when we were children. What I have found however is that life doesn't always allow or lend itself well to what we imagine is "best" or perfect. Letting go of the control of what our holidays, bodies, families and lives should look like, can allow us to be happy with whatever shape they happen to take.

As we watched yet another tacky, sappy Christmas special (I am the biggest sap about this time of year and Kurt has surrendered to the fact that we will have music/special overload), Kurt casually said "You know, I always thought I would have a big family and live in a big house. But then again, I thought I would marry my high school sweetheart". That may have hurt some wive's feelings. I laughed. I met his high school sweetheart and she was great. She married a man she is crazy about and I would choose her as a friend if our paths had ever crossed in our lives.

When we met, it was instantly clear to both of us that we were a perfect fit. This in itself was and is shocking. I was in the middle of a very difficult divorce, was a single mother of 5 year old twins and my heart was not open to anyone. I never wanted to get married again and was very vocal about it. I was looking for a fast cyclist to train with and that was all. Kurt was younger than I was, never married, successful and always wanted kids and marriage. His friends thought he had lost his mind. On paper, even I hated the sound of it. Successful and gorgeous 37 year old investment banker, never married and a 39 year old single mother of twins. UGH.

Amazingly, Kurt (and his family) never batted an eyelash or questioned it. I sure did. Letting go of the "expectations", labels and resumes that life thrust upon us (me) allowed me to see how perfectly perfect our family was. Kurt's Mom said to me (nearly fainted) "Kurt bought his house, just waiting for you guys to show up and be a family". The first day (this is less than a week after our first date so it could have gone very differently) I met his father, we had lunch and went sailing. At the table, my cell phone rang and it was the twins. As I walked away to take the call I almost cringed for Kurt's sake as he would have to explain to his parents who was on the phone. When we were getting ready to leave that day, I went back into the house and his Dad said "Kurt, on a scale of 1 to 10, she's about an 11". I still can't type that without crying. I had wished for a father to say that about me my whole life.

I learned from this family, that beauty and happiness are there for us to see and embrace. If in our stubborness, we insist on judging ourselves ,each other and our lives, we can be miserable too. How differently it could have all gone.

So much of our happiness, success and joy are found not in our "reality" but in our perception of that reality. We have the ability to learn, grow and choose our joy. This year, as we consider "New Year's Resolutions", let's adjust our lenses and see clearly, lovingly and openly our own lives and our "selves". Life will fly by in an instant and spending it trying to impress other people or making our lives appear to be anything besides what we ourselves want them to be, is the ultimate waste of the gift we have been given.

Story von Holzhausen