Life Phases

I heard from one of my students who moved this week. One of reasons I love what I do is getting to really connect with amazing people. It is always hard to "lose" someone to a move. Especially since I do not teach where they are moving.

Every year when I do my "6 week challenge", I am amazed at how every single person who signs up is lonely on some level. The most beautiful and exciting person/life has "holes" in it. Areas that are lacking on some level. The feeling of connecting, being "seen" and loved are what make us happy. Knowing we are valued,making a difference in someone else's life and sharing a bond with another human being are as needed as food and water if we are to "thrive".

In all phases of life, we ache for something and mourn the loss of something else. When we are children, we want to "be older" and we want our freedom passionately. Never realizing the responsibility and stress that comes with it. We search for a "life mate" or we search for Mr/Mrs. Excitement. The journey and beauty of the search is only seen clearly in hindsight. Every one of my single friends laments their singledom. Anyone married (who is honest with themselves) will admit that there is a kind of "loss" in the mystery of "how your life will unfold" being behind you. You can love your spouse deeply and have a very satisfying marriage but the thrill of discovering someone and "falling in love" is behind you.

As a Mother of twins, I remember asking everyone "when does it get easier?". I laugh at that question now. "It" doesn't get harder or easier, it just changes. You have to physically work with a baby. Changing diapers, feeding, bathing etc. As your child grows, you have to "direct" them into doing those things themselves (hopefully not changing diapers but you get the idea). Some days, I think it was easier when I could just do it myself. The worries change and we swap one issue for another as we journey through life. I used to worry that my kids might get burned by a hot stove. Now I worry about them being burned by an unkind word.

At 44, I find it harder to have "fun". Having been blessed with quite an eventful life, there is not much I "can't wait for". I am grateful for the security and peace of my life but at the same time, I see my "unsettled" friends and see the fun and beauty of the "searching" that they can't see.

All of us move through phases of our lives. Some are clearly awesome. Some really do stink. Mostly, they have an olio of extremes and gentle waves of happiness and challenges. What a gift it would be (to ourselves) if we were able to see with clarity, while we are "IN IT", the wonder of our own lives exactly where we are right now.

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