Some days as I sit on the subway, I realize that people look nothing like their media counterparts.  The faces of "normal" moms on television and magazines are the faces of models with less make-up.  We never see pimples, wrinkles or anything that makes these images less than "perfect".

    The face or body we see in the mirror can be a bit jarring in it's "reality of imperfection". The irony is that nobody (even the people who populate this imaginary media world) is safe from the pressure to be "perfect".  The images we see in magazines, on billboards and on television are achieved by an entire team of people. There are people who do pre-production and then another team who work at the shoot doing make-up, lighting and styling.  There is also an entire crew doing post production work including doing edits, photoshop, cropping and "corrections".

    Many celebrities have seen photos of themselves and said "I wish I really looked like that".  As a model, I am always shocked by the photos I see of myself post production.  I know first hand that these images are not reality.

    How do we reconcile our self image with the images we are bombarded with in the media? Every year I am more convinced that "sexy" is not how good looking someone is. It is the belief that a person is special and confident.  As soon as we look for validation from others or are insecure about ourselves, we become less attractive.  Every human being alive has insecurities and fears.  Most of us will struggle with them all of our lives.  What I am talking about here, are the more public and superficial ones.

    As an instructor and trainer, a huge part of my job is changing people's bodies.  Just as challenging a job is changing their body images and how much joy they allow themselves to experience in their bodies. The irony, is that a person can have body that others would view as ideal and still they can be truly miserable in it.  How many times have you looked back at photos and thought "Wow, I looked great but I sure didn't know it or enjoy it at the time".    

      In fitness modeling, there are the models who have great abs and those that have great legs.  The best abs and legs are never found on the same body.  That is simply because there are different body types. Long legs usually make for a shorter torso and vice versa.  These models rarely admire the body part that is stunning on themselves, they obsess about the others.

    With every year that passes, I become more convince that our minds and our "joy" are where we will find the confidence we think depends on our bodies being "better/perfect/10lbs thinner".  As soon as internal change happens, often times the body changes too.

   How do we begin the journey to being happy with ourselves ?  The first thing is work really hard as shutting off the voices that we have heard for most of our lives that pick very specific parts of our bodies apart.  If I could put most of my clients in a glass room and have a group of strangers make observations, not one person would notice most of the imperfections that haunt each of them.
     A very dear actress friend of mine  told me a story about the leading"sex appeal" coach used in films. She is an 80 year old woman who looks like any random grandma. She teaches some of the most beautiful women in the world how to "be sexy".  She teaches them that being sexy is about holding your own power.   It is believing in that power of "Self" and owning it.
     We all have this ability within ourselves.  We all have the choice of how our energy, love and will are used.  We can be consumed by jealousy and insecurity or we can grab ahold of those reigns and be a force of benevolence and change in our own world and the world as a whole.

    Resist the urge to read "beauty" magazines.  Most of these offer very little information that is salient, useful or scientifically based.  Pick up magazines that will teach you the science behind your body. Find subjects that interest and challenge you.  Focus of learning a new sport or skill.  

    When you are moving, feel how good it feels to have the freedom to move. How wonderful it feels to feel strong and capable.  Get to know your body and your self with an open mind and heart.  Be grateful and not a little impressed  with all you are capable of. These are the things that really matter.