"blue' colored glasses/big news

It seemed much easier to see the world through "rose colored glasses" when I was younger. It was a survival instinct for me. As life has stabilized and become far less dramatic, it is more "logical" to see the hurdles and snags that lay ahead.

It seems when our lives are happy in general, the "problems" stand out pretty blaringly and it is easy to give them center stage when they really don't deserve it. Imagine how many people would gladly "swap" our problems for theirs. Sometimes it feels like it is in our nature to "find drama" and hold the things that don't work in our lives under a microscope. Blowing them up to poster size and allowing them to blot out all the amazing parts.

I have noticed that people (especially women) never see how great they look (being my job, I hear about this a lot) until they look back at photos from years back. When they were living in the body that they realize was"fit and wonderful", they had too may complaints to see the big picture. I have seen this so many times over the years I can laugh when I look at my own photos. We "miss" the moments we are living sometimes. We dont' realize that these are the some of the best of our lives. Blogging is a strange thing. All I can write about is my own life. I would never break the confidences of my clients, students and friends to talk about their lives so I am stuck with mine. Not for a second do I think anyone cares (nor should they) about my life very much but it is the only example I can use to try to connect with my fellow man. More than anything in life, I hope to use my experiences here ( especially the bad ones) to try to make a positive impact. So much of our lives are spend in small talk and carefully side stepping the parts of our lives and depth of our selves that could lead to a better understanding of each other and of ourselves. I am not waiting to be an old lady (although I am half way there) to be a bit eccentric. There is enough "photo shopping" in life to waste my time with it.

The issues I am working on right now are big ones. The ability to see my life through rose colored glasses is a gift I never really appreciated until it became harder. As a teen ager, all I had was my hopes for the future and my ability to not see my life when I walked in the front door of my house. At school, I was a carefree happy and breezy person. It was wonderful. Those hours were real and I got to be happy. We all have the power inside of us to have joy in our lives right now. Like a skill or muscle, it takes practice and training to keep up the ability.

This year I am on an amazing journey. As most of you know, Kurt and I have been working our way through the infertility saga for years. When we lost our twins and I was hospitalized with major complications, I lost the ability to carry a baby. Have I been bummed about that ? Amazingly, not as much as you would think. We are very blessed to have embryos left from the start of our journey (at this point that was 4 years ago !). This year we have had the amazing chance to find and get to know a very special woman who will be a surrogate for us.

I have debated as to whether I wanted to blog about this or not. It is intensely personal. It was my surrogate who asked me if I would. Our hope is that sharing this journey will inspire and touch other people's lives. I am still trying to decide where the appropriate "home" for our joint blog will be. For now, I wanted to share this:

I am grateful for the difficulties that my family has had over the last 4 years with infertility and loss. Through the hard times, I saw the beauty of my friends(. Sharon was in the hospital with my so many time, she deserved a metal.) My students, family and friends made me realize how amazingly blessed we are. We grew as a family having shared the challenges. Even the miracle of childbirth (if it happens) will be all the more beautiful for the sharing with another woman and a family that my own family has had the honor to get to know.

I am making a promise to myself to hold onto that ability to see the world through rose colored glasses. You do not see any less clearly. You simply have the joy of the moment.