Kurt and I had some very bad news yesterday. We had identical twins that shared a placenta and a sac. This type of twins is the most dangerous. The cords became twisted and we lost them. There is no way to say that softly and there is no way to endure it gently. It is part of life and part of love. The gift and honor I have of loving and liking my wonderful husband so much is that I have to feel the pain of his pain. Given the alternative, I am grateful for that agony.
Life is not fair and it is not easy but it is a rich tapestry of events that shape us and give us choices. We can learn and grow and hope or we can become angry and bitter. Every day we get to choose our happiness. Some days are harder than others. Just like the pain we go through to strengthen our bodies, so does our soul grow and strengthen.
Thank you for all of your love and support through this journey. The twins were here and real and loved for the short time we had them. They will live always in our hearts and lives. Kurt and I want to move on and "fight the good fight" to have a baby. I will not let fear cripple me. I will take this experience and it will enable me to feel empathy for others and it will teach me that we do not control our lives but that we have to go on this journey with gratitude for every day (not matter what it brings) and do the best we can. Love and grace and joy are not for the weak but for the strong. We have to work very hard to attain them.
All of you have roads with bumps along the way. I applaud your victories and your struggles. Together we will grow and become stronger in our hearts and souls and bodies. Thank you for your thoughts. I can feel them with me and I am awed by the gift.
Story von Holzhausen
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